Tuesday, April 19, 2016

"Fake It 'Til You Make It" Is Bullshit

Dear wonderful person who needs to hear this today,
Are you feeling worthless? Are you feeling anxious about a big task? Are you doubting your ability to accomplish the things you want from life?
I know it’s not that simple. I know this is something you have always struggled with.
But stop.
Stop being so mean to yourself.
You need to quiet all the doubting voices in your head. Silence them and just listen to me, because no matter how you’re feeling right now, you have to trust that I am right and they are wrong.
All your life you’ve been faking it. You’ve heard this mantra over and over and over, “Fake it until you make it,” right? And you’ve been faking it. Has it helped? Did you wake up one day feeling confident and amazing? No. You never have and you never will by faking it. So, I’m telling you that it’s bullshit and you need to let that go.
From now on, I want you to think about CULTIVATING CONFIDENCE in yourself.
You are not a factory of productivity. You are not a robot that is constantly churning out tasks. You are a wonderful, talented, amazing, living, feeling human being. You are so much more than those things because you have DEPTH and EXPERIENCE and PASSION.
You are a beautiful garden. You are capable of incredible growth, prosperity and life! But for you to grow to your full potential, you need constant care. You need to be cultivated. You need to be watered, inspired, tended to and, of course, loved. 
So, that sounds nice and everything, but how do you cultivate confidence?
You need to reach down, deep inside. You need to find all those voices that are tearing you down. You need to hear them when they start to chip away at your confidence, and you need to reframe what they say.
Instead of saying, “Why aren’t you done with this yet?” Say to yourself, “Wow, I’ve really made progress on this and I’m going to finish it.”
Instead of saying, “Everyone thinks you’re an idiot!” Say to yourself, “I am a talented, bright human being and I will prove to everyone how much I have to offer.”
Do this every time you feel those voices rising up again. Do this every time you prepare for a big event. Do this every time you start to feel that self-doubt creeping in and making second guess things.
You deserve to be treated with love by everyone around you, but ESPECIALLY by your internal self. Who else do you spend 24 hrs/day, 7 days/week with? Who else is with you even in sleep? If you are constantly cutting at yourself from the inside, how can you expect to perform at your best? How can you find confidence and happiness with half of you always tearing at the other half?
You can't.
If this seems hokey, think of it this way: if your little sister came to you, your best friend, your son, and told you they had made a mistake or they were nervous about something important happening in their lives, what would you say to them? Would you tell them they’re an idiot? That they’ve screwed up their only chance at success? That they’re guaranteed to fail? Of course not! You would tell them that they can do anything they set their minds to, that they have every opportunity to turn this right back around, that everything is going to be okay.
You deserve to hear that in your weakest, private moments, and you are the only person who can be there for you then. You deserve to hear that you can do anything because it’s true!
Look, a positive attitude is not a guarantee for a good day, but a negative attitude almost always is a guarantee for a bad one. Allow yourself a fighting chance!
When I started being kinder to myself, I was happier at work, I got more done, I felt more confidence and I was able to do so much more high-quality work because I wasn’t spending ½ my energy each day self-sabotaging.
You deserve to feel happy and full while you’re on your journey to the things that you want. And when you hit a speedbump, you deserve to forgive yourself and move forward, because it’s not productive or helpful to keep kicking yourself over and over. You create a vicious cycle.
You have earned all your accomplishments, nothing has been handed to you. Give yourself the credit for it! Stop giving all the credit to luck or to others!
You have HUGE things coming at you in the future – the best is yet to come! So, you need 100% of your energy dedicated to doing what you need to do and giving yourself the emotional support you need to do it.
BE KIND to yourself, especially when things are hard.
BE EXCITED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES AHEAD, and not afraid of the possible bumps along the way, and know that you will get there, no matter how long it takes.
BELIEVE YOU CAN and you will.
You’re not done yet, not today, you have so much fight left in you. And don’t you dare let those inner voices say anything to the contrary.
I believe in you.



  1. Impossibly eloquent and straight to the heart, as always! I so needed this today, love. I've been thinking through these very things and coming to similar conclusions this week, albeit in a much less coherent way! It's like you read my heart, heard my thoughts, and penned this beautiful response. Thank you for this! I think more people (and am I wrong to think that women in particular?) need to read this. Your talent never ceases to astound me!

    Love you to pieces! <3

    1. I definitely wrote this with a certain angle toward women. It seems like we can be especially unfair with our expectations of ourselves. I'm sending you all my live and support! If you ever need to talk I am here! Xoxo